It Starts and Ends With Family

My husband and I were having a conversation last night. He thinks that I am smart enough that I could have been a doctor (this being determined during an episode of Grays Anatomy) It started me thinking as I sometimes do..wondering and thinking of the many things I could have been. In high school, I wanted to join the FBI. That was my goal and what I wanted to be. I sometimes still think of that, and wonder what if, I still think it would be great and even got the opportunity to test and interview shortly before I became pregnant with Grace. I didn't. I could have gone to medical school-yes-I look at it now and think wouldn't it have been fabulous if I was a doctor now. I really would have been someone. I thought about Law School for a while, I probably could have done that too, if that is what I would have wanted to be. Wouldn't that be so respectable. I often wish I was running a major company-something of worth and value. Am I wasting my talents and my skills? I don't always love my job, is there something out there that I would love more and enjoy every day? I think everyone probably has the what ifs in their life of what they could have been or what life would be like if they had made different decisions. Some of the decisions in my life I wish I wouldn't have made, but they brought me to where I am now and I can see that if I wouldn't have made them I wouldn't have what I do. Maybe this doesn't make sense, and I write if more for Grace and my other future children one day when they read this, to let them know sometimes I still wonder and wish I was in the FBI, or had gone further in school or to a different school (to play basketball) and put more focus on me and my wants rather than everyone else, but in the long run it all comes down to this. Had I not have made the choices I made, Iwouldn't be here in this moment right now.
I would have been the highest of the status jobs, but I wouldn't be the best Doctor my Daughter ever knew-who can kiss her boo boos and bandage her cuts. To hold her when she crys and to wipe away her tears. I get to do this with her rather than working so many hours I do it more for other peoples families than my own.
I may have been able to solve crimes and protect the community, but I wouldn't be the "investigator" that I am now, finding the lost binkie or sock, and figuring out just what Grace wants to each for lunch.
i may have been able to fly first class, but I wouldn't be the flyer of airplanes. I never knew I would have ever loved that, but flying my daughter around in the air makes me happier than anything ever could.

I may have been able to have my hair done in a fancy salon, but I never would have been able to be the cosmetologist, brushing her hair each day, putting it in curlers, and giving mommy and baby pedicures.

I may have been to broadway often to see big shows, but I never would have been the late night lounge singer that performs for the cheering crowd who looks up to me in awe and then slowly drifts to sleep with the sound of my lullabys.
I never would have been the best performing dancer in the world, performing moves that my audience wants to learn. (and looks so cute doing)
I may have been a teacher or counselor at a school, but I never would have been the pre-school teacher, teaching alphabet letters, how to be polite, and how to share with others.
I may have been an important business member, but instead I run a business that is my family, and I am very proud of it. I have been able to avoid those late hours at work that I know I would hate, instead I get to spend time with my family in the comfort of our humble home.
If I had made other choices in life, maybe the bills would be easier to pay, maybe I would feel that I followed my dreams and really was somebody and successful, but then I wouldn't have been able to:
dream with my daughter, while reading a book.
Although maybe I could have written stories of my own, I never would have been able to write the letters G-R-A-C-E over and over again on the magna doodle.
I may have been able to wear fresh pressed suits, or a very dignified and professional uniform with a badge, but I never would have been able to fold little socks each day, or wipe green veggies off the front of an elmo striped shirt.
I may have been able to see the world, or at least places not here in Utah, but I wouldn't have been able to see my daughters face light up the second her grandparents or cousins walked into the room-she knows them because she sees them-that is important to me.
I may have been watching the late night news, or even interviewed on an important case, but I would have missed out on Word World Movies and singing Piedee instead of Caillou.
I may have made and followed up on posters or bulletins that affected the world, but I would have missed out on making a poster sized card of spout colored tv friends, that Grace still points to and says Hi.
I may have been able to sleep in lush hotels with comfortable sheets, but I wouldn't have been able to slide into a warm bed that is more comfortable than anyplace in the world, because I have my warm husband laying by my side.
I may have been able to have nice dinners at fancy restaurants, but I would have missed out on home made spaghetti and meatballs, and macaroni and cheese.
I may have made more money, been more important, followed my professional dreams, but I would have missed this, all of this, that I have now and I wouldn't trade it, not even a one day of this, for anything else.
The conversation with my husband made me so thankful that I have him, by my side, believing in my no matter what. It made me thankful for my daughter who lights up my world. It makes me thankful for my home, just the way it is, and the fact that I get to be there with my family each night, and have Grace with me each day.
I am one lucky and successful lady if I do say so myself.