My story

When talking and thinking about these past two weeks and everything that has happened with my mom, I can be as diplomatic and understanding as possible, but the reality is that I am very mad at a lot of different things, and extremely sad and upset.  It is amazing the things you discover during a week like this.   I learned that Art truly is my rock.  He was amazing this week.  He was there when I needed him to be and stood back when he saw I needed space.  I really don't know what I would have done without him.  I have some really amazing friends, and with that, I learned a lot about who my true friends really are.  The ones that made a special point to contact me and tell me they are sorry are the ones I know really care.  Not just a post on facebook, but a phone call or a personal message, or even better-coming to see me.  I feel so blessed to have these amazing people in my life.  I also work with some very amazing ladies who came all the way from Salt Lake just to support me and my family.  This week was a whirlwind of needs and emotions, some of which I knew what to do with, others I didnt.  I can tell you that I am lucky to have such amazing family and friends that allowed me to do what I needed to do, and were able to help me with Grace as needed so I knew she was okay (thanks Dad and Mike).  Also my Dad and Mary were so very helpful and really stepped in to do whatever we needed them to do and more.  Kolt was very cute with my little one.  He had a baseball game which we snuck out to watch. He took time to acknowledge her and play with her.  All of the cousins did this week and I was so very grateful!

 This is the picture of my mom sent by cell phone from her last trip to Florida.  She took this picture holding the aligator (even though she didn't want to) because she knew the grandkids would love it.  When asked how it felt she responded with "Expensive-like a purse!"  She was always so funny!

 My uncle tom was a real hero this week.  He took care of a lot of the difficult issues with family and friends who in times like this still try to make issues and problems.  He stepped in over the last year with my mom, called her all the time and really made an effort to get to know her.  I am grateful to him in so many ways.  He is dancing and playing the freeze game here with Grace. 

 The kids playing in my mom's sanctuary.  She loved this room so very much.  Thank you to Matt for making it for her.  It is extremly difficult for me to come in here, because I know just how much she loved it.  The kids loved it too.  She loved them laying by her and watching movies like "Madagascar and Tangled".  I love just laying and talking with her.  I remember the last time I stayed, I was exhausted so I went to the next room and let Grace and my mom talk.  I could hear Pie saying "Mim's" with something after it over and over again.  My mom would listen and respond no matter what.  She was like that-she always heard you, she always listened and she always cared.

 This was a very difficult time.  Matt ordered angel necklaces for us.  It was amazing how so many things fell into place for us this week.  When we were struggling to make decisions and do things that would make my mom happy, it felt as if she stepped in and helped us make decisions.  Little things like our clothes, or the necklaces.  We liked them and when we went to order, there were exactly four left-saying-get me and get me now.  Also when choosing a date, all of us thought Tuesday at the same time-it was perfect.

 The box that Matt made. So special for my mom and I am so grateful he was willing to listen to my dreams (urging from my mom) and take on this very difficult task, because it was beautiful and perfect. 

 My girls-both of them.  Finlee just let me hold her and love her when I needed to calm down a little.  She was my little girl.  Grace was my angel-my medium-my savior.  I was having a difficult day and had heard so many stories from family members who had visits and feelings from my mom.  I hadn't had one and I was telling Elessa that I felt bad about it.  I didn't know if it was me that was closed off, or if my mom hadn't been there, but I said "I just don't know how to get to her."  Later that night while lying in my bed and crying, Grace said, "Mommy are you so sad?"  I said "Yes honey, I am missing Mimi."  Grace: "Mommy, I can help you get to Mimi," Me: "What?" Grace: "I can help you get to Mimi," Me: (starting to tell her again how Mimi is in heaven) "Well Honey.." Grace: (cutting me off) "Mommy, Mimi love you!"

I lost it.  I cried and hugged my little lady, and I knew that without a doubt she was giving me a message from my mom.  She then went on to tell me that I need to be happy and go to my mom's house with Grace so we both can have memories of her, because that is where they will be strongest. (I had been struggling with whether or not to take Grace there, because then she would notice Mimi was gone and I didn't want her sad too-but my mom answered that one, and Grace did well)

 See Grandpa jumped in and played with the kids.  I think it was good for them all. 

 At my Grandma Taylors house one day I was wearing an angel wing necklace my mother had given me a couple of years ago.  I  had never talked to Grace about them, but as we were leaving she told my Grandma and aunt Lilie that they were "Mimi's Wings"  I know my mom was there telling her stories and I am glad she is making sure Grace let's me know she is there, sometimes I just wish I could see her too.

 My mom always left notes and things to do on a white board at her house.  The other night, this is what Matt had written. 

 We decorated her luncheon with beautiful flowers and these mom bears.  Grace just loved it and slept with it each night (still does).  This is how I woke her up one morning. 

 Grace has been playing with her baby bag.  She loves this so much.  She took it to school every time there was show and tell because it makes her so happy.  My mom made this for Grace (making up the pattern as she went along) and continued to make them for her grandkids. 

 These are the last picture I have of my mom.  She came to visit our house on her way home from Florida a couple of weeks ago.  I made them take pictures. My mom responded to my Grandma who was also there, that she better just participate because I won't stop until they do.  I am glad I was that pushy and have some really great pictures of them together. 

 The Sanctuary.  My mom, Grace, Miles, and Grandpa Matt all asleep.  Elessa and I ran to the store and came back to this.  I am so grateful for these memories, so glad I was there at Christmas, so thankful she came up to make Grace's Birthday Cake, and so glad Grace and I spent a long weekend there not long ago.  I miss her and wish I would have gone down again to see her.  People keep saying she is out of pain.  The adult in me knows that is true and I am happy for her blessing, but the child in me, still needs my mommy!