A few of my last minutes with her.
Here is a tribute and poem that I wrote for her.
I am currently in the process of a long goodbye. I'm losing my grandmother. The mother of my mother. The last tie I truly have. You see, there is an order. Parents should never lose a child. I have always understood this looking at it as a parent myself, but I never took the time to really think about the other end of things. I am losing my grandmother. A wonderful woman. A motherly figure in my life. It is at times like this I really miss my mom. I should have here now. We should be leaning on each other.
I laid next to my grandmother today and I swear I could smell my mother. The curve of her chin bone could almost have been hers too. They are a piece of one another. A piece of me. I am going to miss her. I am going to miss the small piece of my mother that was also still her lingering with my grandmother. There are so many things I will miss.
I learned so much from this wise grandmother of mine. She loves so deeply. She is a truly, genuinely, good person.
She had such a strong love. We were her dolly's. We were her precious darlings, so loved. We were the best at violin, the best at sports, the best at plays...the best. She was our biggest fan. She came to every sporting event I ever had. She and grandpa would sit up close and cheer ever so softly. Yet the softness of her voice, would reach me and I knew she was there. She came to every play. Whether it be in school, a talent show, or just in her basement with the cousins she was front row. She was a whole audience all to herself.
She was the very best storyteller. She would read us stories when we were younger and she had a thousand voices. She could also tell a story about grandpa that would light up the very room. The time they first met when he gathered her hat. The time on the bus where he pretended to be asleep on her shoulder and she all but held her breath so she wouldn't move and make him stir from his pretend sleep. The time he made her wait for a wedding ring because she hadn't been sure, but then she was and he was not taking her back. But then he did. About the times he held her hand and sang, "I love you, a bushel and a peck."
Grandma was a hard worker too. Everything in her house ran like a well oiled machine. It's possible that this was because everything was used a minimum of 10 times. This goes for plastic bags and foil too. Things knew what to do because they were well-worn in. Like her coat and her boots and every single turtleneck. She didn't waste. Not a thing. She ate everything on her plate and only served what she could finish. She was in charge of feeding the whole cattle crew in the desert. She pulled off the meals while watching the little ones and keeping the camp clean. That is no easy chore.
My sidekick would use this term, but it fits best for grandma. She's the cheese on the pizza that keeps all the toppings in place. There is something about grandma that she can make everyone come together and stick together even when this is the last thing they want to do. There has been a family reunion every year. Every single year. For grandma. She knows whats going on with everyone too and can remember every reason for every one that couldn't make it. She not only knows and remembers all of her great-grandkid's name, but she knows what they like, their favorite color, and things to say to make them smile.
My "sisters" and I sat today and talked about grandma. We talked about how sleepovers were the very best. She would let us have two vitamin c's before bed. Just two because any more than that would overdose us. Then she would take us downstairs and let us jump from bed to bed about four times. She would have us lay down on her feather pillows, tuck the blankets around us tight then lift just a corner so she could put the hair dryer in there to warm us up. She would tell us just to lay still like that and we would stay warm. Then she would read us only 1 story, then come back for at least one more before we finally went to sleep. Then we would wake to the best pancakes ever. She also makes the best wheat bread and sugar cookies.
We also decided that grandma is going to have a few black marks against her in Heaven. She is a fibber. This grandma of mine can tell you a story so tall you would think it is a tree and not even change her face. Such as: "I feel great." "It was a wonderful, just wonderful day." "You are the very best at that." "You are the most beautiful."
Although...now that I look at it. Maybe she wasn't really fibbing all these years. Maybe she really believed those things because she just has an incredible perspective and outlook on life. I hope to be like her someday.
We spent hours spitting seeds from frozen cherries and peeling rhubarb so we could put salt on it and eat it. Grandma could spit the farthest every time. She taught us how to roll the legs of our pants up to wade in the river and showed us that you can be down to earth and classy at the same time. A few months ago I went to her house and she was just feeling frumpy. I gave her a quick trim and set to work for a quick manicure. I never knew that my grandma was very particular about her nails, but I learned pretty quick that day as she made sure I did them just right. I realized then, more than any other time that she was more like my mother than I think she ever knew.
She loved looking out her windows and playing with the kids. The noise didn't bother her at all and if she could, she would be up with them every step of the way. Like playing swords and pirates with my wee child because that was important to my girl so it was important to my grandma.
She made the best special blankets. She always had juice and ice cream for the kids. Ice cream bars or vanilla ice cream with chocolate powder. She cherished every drawing, colored page and picture because they were treasures and just so precious.
I think that is the greatest lesson I learned from my grandma. I matter. Everyone matters. She sees the best in everyone. She blocks out the bad and only sees the good because that is what matters. Everything else...well..."it's just whatever, it doesn't matter anyway."
It is my grandmother's funeral today. She was such a wonderful kind lady, as you read here. When I was small and we slept at her home she would always read us the story of the Teeny Tiny Lady, which you can read here. Looking back, it should have been scary but her voice was just so magical. She was a wonderful story-teller. It was our favorite. She herself was such a Teeny Tiny Lady but she had a great big heart that led to a great big life and great big hole left behind. I wrote this poem for her today and I hope she knows just what a great big impact she made on my life.
The Teeny Tiny Lady
A Teeny Tiny Lady lived in a Teeny Tiny House
She lived a great big life, as quietly as a mouse
This Teeny Tiny Lady would always answer the phone
With a “Hello Dolly,” “I love you”, and “It’s wonderful here at home”
Never did she ever, let her burdens fall
Onto another shoulder, never, not at all
This Teeny Tiny Lady was classy, but rugged tough
She’d give her all to others, and she thought that not enough
This Teeny Tiny Lady was the master of the meal
On big horse rides, or holidays, everyone got their fill
She waited, every meal, until last she’d eat
Even after all were done, with their ice cream treat
This Teeny Tiny Lady, she had a great big heart
No kids to bed, in cold sheets, no, a blower to warm the heart
And just hold still and wait a beat, “I’ll read just one to you”
This Teeny Tiny Lady, though, would often read a few
And in her many voices, you’d quickly fall to sleep
Then…“I love you darling, my precious, oh aren’t you so sweet”
This Teeny Tiny Lady thought your worst was quite enough
You were brilliant, and beautiful and very, very, tough
And though you’d fail she’d cheer quite big, as proud as she could be
An audience all her own, this Tiny Lady She
She’d never miss a time to see her child steal the show
From bench to floor, stage to door, she was proud and you would know
This Teeny Tiny Lady, she always could find joy
From a pretty day, to a lousy meal or a call from my girl or boy
“oh aren’t they sweet, and thanks so much” This little lady would say
“Don’t bother tomorrow, I know you care, call another day”
I wish I’d called her every day as each of her kids have done
What would I give to see her life before me on re-run
I know this tiny lady is happy now today
“I’m with my love, and your mom,” I’m certain she would say
And when I close my eyes and imagine where she’s at
I see her, no scarf, but she is wearing her hat
He picked it up, and her too, that grandpa of mine
And now I know, without a doubt, this lady’s doing fine
I know she’d say she loves me, and that she’s proud of me
This Teeny Tiny Lady’s one I can’t wait to see
Shoot a gun with my grandpa, and let him sing to you
Take a dance with my momma and tell her “I love you”
Please, Teeny Tiny Lady you are a special one
Your brand new journey up above, I know has just begun
But as for me, here left behind, I’m thankful for the time
Oh Teeny Tiny Lady, I’m so thankful that your mine
I promise that I’ll always try to be “that” good
You always saw in everyone and believed that they all could
I love you Tiny Lady and you left a great big space
I can’t wait to see you again, another time, another place
No comments:
Post a Comment